Beautiful Boy

Tyler has always been pretty adaptable to new people and situations. But as soon as you think you know your child, they can change and surprise you in new ways -- good and bad. Tonight we had a new babysitter, who couldn't be more qualified as a current teacher at a montessori school for infants to 3 year olds. I probably timed her first visit badly -- right after Tyler's late nap -- which can be ugly if he's woken up or didn't get enough sleep, etc. He usually shakes his bad mood off, but tonight, he screamed my name for over an hour as Cathy, the sitter, tried to kick off their friendship with a dinner of his favorite foods -- mac/cheese and chicken nuggets. I sat at the top of the stairs in horror as he shouted my name between sobs and I did break down and intervene a couple of times, probably undermining any progress she had made. After an hour of misery, we decided to call it a night and paid her for the time we'd agreed on in the first place. It wasn't a waste, because while Tyler slept, she spent a couple of happy hours with sweet Austin, who of course thought she was hilarious, and she also put her school experience to work doing a beautiful job organizing our mess of a playroom.

Weekends take on new meaning for a parent. While the end of a long week used to promise relief and rest -- no work, sleeping in, maybe a movie --- for parents, it means fun time with the kids that starts promptly at 7AM if not earlier. We love it, of course, and there's nothing more precious than the way Tyler relishes our mutual company, even taking each of our hands and insisting we all read, color, or eat. But Scott and I look to each other to try to squeeze in a little downtime -- and while we both like to say we have harder jobs than the other -- I think there is truly a mutual respect for what each of us does every day.

Scott experiences my exhaustion when he has the boys for just a few hours to himself, but I also know (firsthand) the unrelenting demands clients and deadlines place on him every second of every day -- compounded with the duty of managing ever-changing creative personalities. And there's nothing like knowing we have a few guaranteed hours of help, and I feel that having a sitter on the weekends for a few hours is a great gift of time to us both. As of yet, we haven't found anyone who can do our desired times on a regular basis, but this new sitter was promising with her experience and schedule.

Since tonight was such a disaster, I asked her to come back to try again tomorrow for a couple of hours before naptime. You never know what each day will bring with Tyler.

And that's also what is so thrilling. I might wake up to find the most agreeable, delightful creature on earth. Or a little sourpuss who wants nothing but lollipops and TV. He has so many dimensions and moods, and I wonder if he's not the toddler-version of the creatives Scott is managing at the ad agency.

So, today we had a new fear of babysitters. But also this past week he has suddenly let me rock him at bedtime again -- and even sing. I'm not the best singer. Okay, I might be the worst singer. But up until right before he turned 2 we used to rock and sing every night -- usually the same handful of songs. Rock-a-bye Baby, Your Are My Sunshine, Twinkle Little Star, Jesus Loves Me, Are You Sleeping, and also one my friend suggested awhile back "Beautiful Boy" by John Lennon.

Now, Beautiful Boy is probably the most challenging song I will ever butcher, but Tyler has always liked it. Even when he stopped letting me rock him around his last birthday, he would let me sing this one bedtime ritual and join in. (I finally realized the poor child absolutely HATES Rock-a-bye Baby. He screams "No!" every time I even start to sing it. I kinda get that.)

But anyway, my meandering point is that over the past week, he's letting me rock him again, and even asking for me to rock him and sing. It's so sweet, and he's "all done" after the first few songs, but I snuggle him just like the cuddly baby he used to be.

As he joined me in singing Beautiful Boy tonight, also butchering the song in the sweetest way imaginable, I appreciated that his reaction to the sitter and all the other unpredictable and sometimes less-than-desirable things he does help make up a truly complex, unique and beautiful little being.